


A Dream Over My Shoulder

by crutchiebytheway



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: (Or is it?), Boggarts, Hogwarts AU, M/M, Multi, Nightmares, Past Child Abuse, Realization of Feelings, Unrequited Love, Will add more tags as I go, past trama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-02-23 08:51:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13186626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crutchiebytheway/pseuds/crutchiebytheway
Summary: As Jack enters his 7th and final year at Hogwarts, he realizes there are things he and his friends must confront before the year is through.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... I’ve been slowly working on this for almost 2 years now and had written almost 20,000 words before I stopped for a little while. Recently, I decided I would start posting it and also finishing the story! It’s very near and dear to my heart, so please comment and let me know what you think. Thanks!

As usual, Jack runs as fast as he can, straight at the barrier between platforms 9 and 10. He had long lost any anxiety that came with the motion and now experiences only pure, unadulterated joy. He always did, once he got on to the platform, though he supposes that was just human nature. Jack held a secret that no muggle knew about, and as bad as the boy’s home might be to him at times, as long he could get to the Hogwarts Express, he could still go home.

Jack spotted David, crouched down to speak to Les. Les insisted on going first, and David had anxiously ran after him, leaving Jack to pass through last. He picks up the pace to reach them.

"Don't worry, Les, you can stay here with me and Jack if you want. I remember my first time-"

"I'm actually going to make some new friends!" Les shoots a bright smile up at his brother. "Love you, bye!"

And with that, Les whirls away, disguising himself among the flock of incoming first years. David stands staring after his brother.

"Ah, don't take it personally, Dave," said Jack, placing a hand on David's shoulder. "No big deal, right?"

David only stares blankly. "He's already so much cooler than I was as a first year."

Jack chuckles and brings his hand up to ruffle David's hair. "You were the coolest first year ever, Davey, I promise."

Jack's small poke at humor seems to temporarily relieve him of the hurt from being abandoned. They both take a moment to remember first year David, who once spilled ink all over his desk in the middle of class and had to have Jack help him clean it up.

"You should be getting down to the prefect's carriage, shouldn't you?"

Davey sighs. "I suppose."

"Oh, don't act like you don't love it. I'll catch you later," Jack says with a final squeeze to David's arm.

The two go their separate ways, leaving Jack to bound through the express, searching and searching for the compartment that will hold his friends. Over the years, his friend group has grown to a point where not all of them can fit in a single carriage, and they can never manage to secure the same carriages as the year before, making the whole process like one big game of hide and seek.

God, he thinks, his friends! Most of his summer was spent at the Jacobs, and while some of them came to visit him there, there were still some that he hasn't seen in three long months, and really, letters don't do their friendship any justice. A letter can’t present Finch’s voice, Race’s laugh, Henry’s smile. While he may not like all the classwork, seeing everyone everyday was worth going back to school. The upcoming school year will be their first since Sarah graduated, but otherwise, everyone else is returning for at least one more school year.

Jack opens one compartment only to disturb a couple making out on one of the benches. “Sorry, sorry!” he yells, hurrying to leave them be. He chuckles, thinking that it’s possible his compartment won’t be much better. There’s Specs and Romeo to account for, who had been dating for almost 8 months now, a lot of underlying crushes Jack suspected were in their group, and of course, just the fact that his friends were more affectionate than the average person. More than once he’s had younger students ask just which of his friends he was dating, only to tell them that actually, he was single. 

The yelling up on his right informs Jack that most likely, he will find his friends with the source of the noise. Sure enough, he opens the compartment to find Albert flinging a licorice wand at Henry's face as Finch and Elmer cheer.

"Easy, boys," Jack teases. Albert, in response, throws another licorice wand, this time at Jack, who grabs it and eats it himself.

It takes a moment of readjustment to fit 7 teenage boys into a compartment built for 4 at the most, but they make it there. Mostly. 

Jack takes the window seat, just like he does every year. He has to, ever since 3rd year when they all learned the hard way just how motion sick he could get. Not that Jack was complaining. He liked being able to watch out the window and pick out shapes to add to his paintings for later. On his left, Finch nearly pins Elmer to the wall closest to the door in an attempt to make room. Across from him sits Henry, and next to him Albert, and JoJo on Button’s lap.

“Remember when we all used to fit comfortably?” says Buttons wistfully. 

“Those were the days,” Elmer responds, and gets another licorice wand thrown in his direction.

Buttons’ sleek black cat made a leap for the candy, and Albert yelped in surprise. He gripped his own rat a bit tighter and eyed the cat distrustfully. 

"How was your summer, Kelly?" Finch asks over the commotion. 

 

"Lowkey," says Jack truthfully. "Spent a lot of it with the Jacobs.” They had been so gracious to let him stay there for the majority of the summer, and though their house was small, it was cozy, and brimming with magic. Jack wouldn't want to spend his summer anywhere else. “They brought me down to the station. How about you?"

"Good! I've started going to a new voice teacher," informs Finch.

"I broke my arm!" Henry exclaims brightly, holding it out for all to see. "Fixed it myself." It didn't show any signs of having been broken, Jack will give him that. He feels his heart swell with pride. Henry had donated so much of his time to becoming a better Healer, it was good to see his hard work paying off.

Jack notes that his arm does, however, look much tanner than he remembers it. Henry did write about taking on a summer job at a muggle sleepaway camp at the beginning of the break. They all look a little bit different, now that Jack looks at them. JoJo seems to have grown a few inches, Buttons has more freckles, Albert and Elmer both cut their hair shorter, and Finch has a new scar down the side of his face that Jack is almost positive wasn’t there before. They’ve all changed over the summer, even if just a small amount.

"Yo," Racetrack says, appearing suddenly in the doorway.

“Raaacer!” JoJo drags out in a low tone.

Race gives them a wave, just otherwise does not regard the comment and keeps talking. "I just saw the Jacobs kid living it up down the hall. He's a first year?"

"That's right," Albert says. "Wow, that's crazy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, they grow up fast, listen, Spot and I are gonna be two carriages over, you see anyone else, you send them our way, deal?"

"Deal," answers Jack. He gives Race a mock salute. 

Racetrack rolls his eyes. "Very funny. Just let them know."

Romeo, with his impeccable timing, appears not five minutes later, Specs in tow behind him. 

“Who’s ready to party?” he yells, swinging open their door and immediately spilling his drink on the floor.

“Jesus, Romeo, it’s too early,” Albert complains in reference to Romeo’s volume, but he still smiles warmly at his friend.

"Albert, you hardly wrote at all!" Romeo scolds as he tries to force his way into the compartment. "I was very lonely."

Henry snickers. "Yeah, I'm sure you and Specs were very lonely together. All summer." Jack glances at Specs, a dark red slowly spreading across his cheeks. 

"That," Romeo says as he swipes a box of Every Flavor Beans from Henry's lap, "is not the point. Most of you are graduating this year! You'll have to write, or it'll be another two years before I see any of you. If then." He frantically waves the box and sends a few beans flying. 

"You're crazy, Lover Boy," says Albert. "Of course we'll write to you."

Jack suddenly wants nothing more than for Romeo and Specs to go sit down.

"Hey, Race said for you two to meet him in his compartment, two down from here."

Romeo groans, having just laid across Finch and Elmer, and Specs nods. "We figured. Just wanted to say hi first." Specs gives a small wave. "See you at dinner!"

For a few short moments they sit in silence, settling into their seats. Jack watches out the window, until a sudden yelling breaks him from his trance. 

"Ew!" Finch is standing up and rubbing his shoulder aggressively. "Elmer was drooling on me!" 

"Was not!"

"Was too!"

"Shut up! I was asleep, you can't always control it!"

“Ow, Finch, you’re on my foot!”

Normally, this is when Jack would step in and do something, but he's too busy laughing at their bickering to care. It was a long ride to Hogwarts after all, and they'd need some distraction to pass the time.

They continue like that until Buttons threatens to hex them both for disturbing his beauty sleep. JoJo, in turn, hexes Buttons so that large, oozing boils sprout all over his face. Of course, JoJo immediately realizes his mistake and reverses the spell when Button’s wet finger sticks itself in JoJo’s ear. Jack knows it’s only a matter of time before they turn to him and begins to regret not shutting the argument down went he had the chance.

“Can we all just chill for a second?” Elmer pleads.

“Excellent idea,” says Jack.

And thus, with the whole trip ahead of them, their compartment falls silent enough for Jack to decompress. He let this thoughts wander to the upcoming year. Romeo was right. After this year, most of them would be gone. They'd all go off in their separate ways, their separate jobs, start separate families, and before they know it, Hogwarts will be a memory. This was his last train ride to Hogwarts.

It seems like only moments later Henry is shaking him awake, yelling at him to “Get your robes on, we’re here!” 

Jack pulls on his robes haphazardly and stumbles out of the train, still dazed from his sleep. 

He wanders absent mindedly on the platform, searching for his brain when Race grabs him by the shoulder and directs him toward the carriage. “C’mon, Jacky Boy.” Jack follows, but keeps his eyes on the horizon for his prefect friends. 

The castle looms in the distance, its towers seeming to sparkle and light their way through the station. It's comforting, but not exactly effective in helping Jack find his friends.

"No use in waiting for them," Race reminds him. "They have to go help the first years, they're all scared shitless."

Jack believes it (even though he could swear he saw Katherine’s bright red hair somewhere in the distance). He remembers sitting in the first year's boat and wondering if there were anyway to turn it around and go back. Without knowing any better, the castle does seem more daunting than it does comforting. Little Les was out there somewhere, finally going to school after hearing about it from his siblings.

Luckily, Spot’s fast enough to secure a seat for Jack on one of the large carriages, giving him a few extra minutes to go visit the thestrals. He has no food to give them this time, so there’s hesitant as he walks closer. Even so, Jack suspects that somehow, they must be able to sense the pain of those who can see them, because it eventually gives in and nuzzles his hand affectionately.

“There you go,” Jack encourages under his breath, and the thestral makes a small noise of agreement. “Not too bad, huh?”

He can feel eyes on him, he knows it, probably from the many kids who couldn’t see the thestrals. It would look pretty strange, he admits, to see someone patting the air, and no one else ever bothered with them anyways, whether they had seen death or not. Jack didn’t even know that the other children couldn’t see thestrals until 3rd year, when he asked what those weird looking horses were, only to be met with a stare from David. 

“There’s nothing there,” Davey had said. “The carriages pull themselves. Are you feeling alright?”

"Jack!"

He turns and Elmer is waving him down. The thestrals get one final pat goodbye, and Jack joins his friends in the carriage.

“I don’t know how you do it,” JoJo says. 

“What? Visit the thestrals?”

JoJo nods. “I can hardly look at them. Too painful.”

"I still think it's a bit creepy," Henry says. "You know, that we can't see them."

"They're not so bad," Racetrack mutters under his breath. Albert gives a small nod in agreement and meets Jack's eyes. _Thank you_ he thinks to himself, hoping they could somehow hear him.

“I’m excited to eat,” says Elmer, breaking the tension. The rest of the group agrees, and groans in anticipation of the feast. Even more so than before, Jack finds himself wishing the carriages would move faster. 

They're ushered into the castle as soon as they arrive. The Great Hall is full of noise, just as Jack remembered it. Shouts, laughs, and chatter wash over him as he takes his seat with Race, Finch, and Elmer. It's one of those rare special occasion days in which it's required everyone sit at their own house table. Strange, Jack thinks, that once it was like that everyday at Hogwarts. Eating with all his friends, squishing into one table, it's part of the Hogwarts meal tradition. 

"Sorry I'm late!" a flustered Bill says as he rushes to the table. "Those kids, they're so...nervous, you know?"

"No problem." Jack wraps an arm around Bill's shoulders and pulls him close. "How's Les?"

"He's fine. Fingers crossed for Gryffindor!"

“I don't know,” Race says, "I'm pretty sure that kid’s a Hufflepuff."

"Kid's definitely a Slytherin. He's gotta be," Finch insists.

"I'll bet four Sickles on it," Race offers.

"Deal."

The five of them sit on the edge of their seats as the sorting ceremony begins. Jack wants to hex whoever made the ceremony so long. Is it really necessary for the Hat to sing for five minutes? And why are there so many kids with a last name before "Jacobs"? He welcomes six new students into Gryffindor alone before Les' name is finally called.

Race grabs onto Jack's arm and unknowingly digs his fingernails into his skin as the Hat is lowered onto Les' head. The Hat rests only for a moment before announcing "HUFFLEPUFF!" proudly to the Great Hall.

"Damn," Finch mutters, digging in his pockets and handing over Race's money.

Over at the Hufflepuff table, Jack can see that Crutchie has burst out of his seat in happiness. Next to him, Romeo, Henry, and Mush pound the table and holler excitedly. Les happily runs to them and is welcomed with open arms.

"It's good he's got those four to look after him," Jack comments.

"I just want to eat," Elmer says under his breath.

Now that he's mentioned it, Jack is pretty hungry as well, having not eaten anything since the licorice wand on the train. Headmaster Nox is giving her annual speech, don't go in the Forbidden Forest, don't wander the school after bed, essentially, don't do anything that Jack has done several times over. Snyder, the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor, glares at him, hoping to catch his eye, to spark some fear in Jack. Jack's just waiting for the food.

The moment it finally appears, Jack scarves it down without even looking at it. The meal is fantastic as usual, some turkey dish with lots of mashed potatoes and gravy, and it fills him up quickly. Bill rests his head on Jack's shoulder and flutters his eyes. Jack wipes his forehead with a napkin.

"I swear," Bill says softly, "I'm gonna fall asleep right here. I'll do it."

"Okay," Race begins, getting up from the table. "C'mon. We're going to the dorms."

Racetrack does his best to cradle Bill in his arms bridal style and waddle away towards the doors. He makes it only a few steps before he stops to adjust his grip on Bill, and begins his trek again. Looking around, Jack realizes that they've been dismissed. 

"I'll meet you up there!" he calls out.

"Will do!"

Jack turns and makes a movement to go find Crutchie, only to see that he's already speeding towards him. They collide, with Crutchie enveloping him in a hug and pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

"I missed you, Jack Kelly." Crutchie squeezes tighter with each word.

Jack squeezes back. "Missed you too, kid."

And that's just about the understatement of the year, Jack thinks. Crutchie's owl had gotten sick and died early in the summer, and with no wizard guardians to get him a new one, Crutchie was effectively cut off from anyone without their own owl. Sure, the Jacobs offered the family owl to anyone who needed it, but Jack always felt like he would be intruding on something. He already had to fight off the feeling when he stayed overnight, and he didn't need anymore of it.

They pull apart.

"So you've got Les Jacobs to look after now?"

"Yeah." David, with Katherine behind him, strolls up beside them. "Les Jacobs, who you'll be taking very good care of this year."

Crutchie gives a toothy smile and embraces him. "Good to see you too, Dave."

Katherine, meanwhile, has placed her hands on her hips and begun sizing up Jack.

"Jack Kelly, I do believe you've gotten shorter."

"Oh, hush," he responds, but signals for a hug anyways.

"You know, Kath," David laughs, "I think you're right. He does seem a few inches smaller."

"That'll really help Hufflepuff get ahead in Quidditch this year," Crutchie adds. 

"As if," Jack snorts. "As Quidditch captain, I can assure you Gryffindor will be winning this year."

"Gee, Jack," Katherine says in mock surprise. "Are you really Quidditch captain? I had no idea."

Yes, Jack is Quidditch captain, and he had worked very hard to get there. So what if he brought it up a lot? All the better to intimidate Hufflepuff. "Ha ha, funny joke."

"Seriously though, congratulations on that," Crutchie says. "Still won't be able to beat us, but congrats."

Jack puts his hands up. "Whatever you want to tell yourself, buddy."

David shakes his head in disapproval. "I still don't get the obsession with Quidditch. The amount of bones you've broken is seriously concerning."

The amount of bones he’s broken is still under 10, so Jack really didn’t see what the big deal was, but regardless, a trip to the hospital wing was never fun.

"I promise, no major injuries this time. As long as you're cheering for Gryffindor."

"Hufflepuff," Crutchie corrects. He waggles his eyebrows in David's direction. 

"On that note," David says, taking a step back, "I'm gonna head up to bed." 

"I should probably go, too," says Katherine. "I'll see you all in the morning."

"Goodnight!" Crutchie calls out. 

The four of them each travel to their separate common rooms, Jack beginning to pick up speed as he went. He hopes either Race or Elmer are still up. He could usually count on one of them for a pre-bedtime snack.

“Not so fast.”

Damn it. Jack knew that voice far too well.

He glances quickly to his left, and then to his right. No easy escape. He forces himself to turn around.

“Snyder.” His wand is still concealed, but he grips it tighter. Just in case.

“What a shame, Kelly,” Snyder taunts, sneering as he took a step closer, “that you’ll have to be punished on the first day of school. Walking around unsupervised, tut tut-”

“He is with me.”

A young woman, tinted gray and looking to be not much older than Jack is, emerges from the wall next to him and stares at Snyder. Her clothing is scorched, the ends of the fabric blackened, and even her face is permanently charred and drooping. Jack recognizes her as the Melted Maiden, a resident ghost.

“My apologizes,” Snyder says, but his eyes say otherwise. He reluctantly slips his wand back into his robes. 

“You may leave,” says the Maiden, unfazed.

“Watch yourself, Kelly. Don't want to see you in detention again this year.” He opens his mouth as if there’s more he wants to say, but meets the Melted Maiden’s eyes and storms off.

The moment he’s turned the corner, Jack exhales and releases his grip on his wand. “Thanks,” he tell the Maiden.

In return, her expression softens into a small smile, and Jack couldn’t help but feel that somehow that smile was incredibly sad. Without a word, she fades back into the wall she came from, and Jack was left alone for his walk back to Gryffindor tower.

 

+

 

"Hey, wakey wakey." Jack waves his hand in front of David's face.

His head snaps back up. "Why, though? Race gets to sleep!" David whines, pointing a finger at Racetrack, whose head lies in a cereal bowl. Jack nudges him awake and gives David a look.

"Because that's the way the world works, sweetheart. You have to wake up in order to go to class."

Something in David's face changes. Though Jack had meant for his comment to come off as a joke, David now avoids any eye contact and nervously butters a piece of toast.

"Why do they even bother with classes this early?" Elmer questions before Jack can say anything. "Who do they expect to willingly get up like this?"

"Hey guys!" says Crutchie brightly as his slides into the table. "Excited for the first day?"

The question is met with a chorus of groans. 

"I hate how he manages to look good before 8 o'clock," mutters Finch.

"And good morning to you too, Finch.” Crutchie settles into his spot and slides the plate of bagels closer. “What does everyone's schedule look like?"

The conversation picks up and leaves Jack behind. He tries and fails one more time to meet David's eye. He even whispers "Hey, Davey" at one point but is given only a meek smile. Jack's breakfast suddenly loses its flavor.

"Hey, pass your pancakes if you aren't going to eat them," Darcy requests. Jack wordlessly slides them across the table.

He doesn't see David again until 3rd period Potions, so naturally, Jack decides he has better things to worry about than his classes. In Herbology, the professor calls his name three times before he finally hears him. Even Spot asks during Charms, "What's the deal between you and Dave? You barely said two words at breakfast."

"I'm not sure," Jack slowly admits.

Katherine furrows her eyebrows. "You should talk to him."

Jack nods. As much as may not want to do it, Katherine was usually right when it came to these kinds of things. 

When Potions finally does roll around, Jack plops down in his usual seat, right next to David. He waves at Jack, but makes an effort to look busy. His shoulders are clearly tensed up, and his knee bounces so rapidly it shakes the table. Jack waits for Professor Slughorn to begin speaking before starting his spiel. 

"Look, Dave, I'm sorry about breakfast. I didn't mean it like that, but I shouldn't have said anything to begin with."

The table stills.

"No!" David says in a forceful whisper. Jack notices that his shoulders have dropped. "I mean, it's no big deal. It's nothing, really." 

Their eyes finally meet, and David smiles at him, a real, genuine smile so bright that it settles any remaining nerves Jack might have had.

"Mr. Kelly and Mr. Jacobs!" Slughorn shouts. "Do I need to assign partners?"

"No, sir!" they say in unison. 

"Very well. You'll find your instructions on page 29. Please begin."

"I'll go get the ingredients?" David clarifies.

"Sounds good," Jack says, glad that things were back to normal.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack gives an anguished yell as he storms into the Hufflepuff commonroom and throws himself onto one of the sofas.

"Rough day?" Crutchie asks.

Jack groans in response and sinks deeper into the couch. It feels nice just to be able to close his eyes and relax.

"Drama queen," says Spot sarcastically, not even looking up from his paper. "What's got you down, Kelly?"

Jack lifts his head from the cushion. "Two words: Quidditch tryouts."

Crutchie inhales sharply. "That's rough." Jack wonders how it is Crutchie so easily sums up the last hour and half of his life in one word. "How's the team looking?"

"Very good, I’ll have you know. Just hard to tell some of them no."

One boy trying out for Keeper had been particularly hard to turn away, bright eyed and enthusiastic as he was, but Jack had to assemble a team based on performance. He repeats it to himself once more.

"But, of course, you kept me in mind and only picked easy last names, right?" Racetrack asks.

Remembering Racetrack's struggle to pronounce "Caoimhe" during Quidditch commentary last year, Jack grins. "We have a beater named Maria Molotkovskiy."

"Fuck you."

"We've been doing a bit of work if you'd like to join," David offers, breaking the tension. "And we made tea. I’m sure you want to relax."

"Don't mind if I do." 

Jack sips his drink, brings his feet up onto the sofa and flexes his toes. They tickle the side of David's leg, who laughs and playfully hits his feet away.

Looking around, Jack is reminded of his appreciation for the Hufflepuff commonroom. He's hesitant to say it's his favorite, he'll always have a soft spot for Gryffindor commonroom (it is practically his home, after all) but Hufflepuff is a close second. The warm lighting and coloring, potted plants floating by, and the view of dandelions out the window made the whole thing feel like "a warm hug," as Romeo once described it. A Hufflepuff study session with the group they've assembled is exactly what he needs after tryouts.

"What're you so smiley about, Kath?" Spot asks, tearing Jack from his thoughts. 

Katherine rocks in her seat indecisively. "Well," she concludes, "I guess now's as good a time as ever." Her grin widens. "I got that internship at the Daily Prophet."

A pause to process the news, then-

"Oh my god, Katherine!"

"That's amazing!"

"I knew it!"

"Congratulations!"

"When do you start?"

"Not until summer," Katherine answers. "It'll be after graduation." 

"That's still so fantastic, Katherine," Dave praises.

"Thank you," she says, blushing.

“Look at you, you've actually got a plan after graduation,” Spot jokes. “Unlike the rest of you.”

"I keep forgetting you guys are all graduating this year," Crutchie complains. "Don't leave me!"

"Um," Racetrack says slowly, "Maybe this isn't perfect timing, but I might have found a place to live after graduation already."

Spot voices his disbelief. "What? Where?"

"Diagon Alley. The space above Florean Fortescue's is for rent." Race bites his lip. "It just seems right, you know?"

Now that he mentions it, Jack does vaguely remember seeing a "For Rent" sign last time he was there.

"Wow," says Spot. "That's...you never mentioned that. That’s great.” He says it through clenched teeth, but Spot manages to force a smile. 

"Do you get free ice cream?" Crutchie wonders aloud.

"I doubt it," Race says, chuckling. 

"At least it'll be easy to find you," David speaks up. "One less person to track down."

They all laugh at that, but Jack is only left to wonder how many of the others won't be easy to find.

And what about him? Where would he go? Not back to the boy's home, he'd be too old. He's felt too old for a long time coming. The Jacobs would probably say that it's fine for him to stay there, that he can stay as long as he likes, but Jack would have to draw the line somewhere. So what if that made it easier to see David? So what if he liked sitting down with an organized family for dinner? It put a strain on the Jacobs to have him there, and they struggle enough as it is. 

"I'm going to Santa Fe," Jack blurts out, the first place that comes to mind. His mama had grown up in Santa Fe, and she'd tell him all sorts of stories about the cowboys that lived there. "After graduation."

"Wow," says Katherine, stunned. "That's...far."

"That's exciting," Crutchie says, ever the optimist. "How long are you staying?"

"I don't know," Jack answers. "A while."

"Just as long as you come back to visit sometime," Race says. "Or write us, or something."

"I'm happy for you," David says, just soft enough that only Jack can hear. There's a wistful look on his face that Jack can't quite place as his rests a hand on Jack's arm. "Congratulations."

He swallows down any emotion that bubbles up. "Thank you."

+

"Hey, pass that Butterbeer, would you?"

Jack nods and slides the glass across the table to where Albert sits. His picks up the drink and excitedly begins to chug it down. Buttons whacks him in the chest.

"Breathe, for God’s sake."

Albert obeys and comes up for air, but only long enough for him to raise the glass in the air and say, "To the Charms essay being pushed to next week!"

They all laugh and repeat the toast.

Sniper laughs and raises her own drink. "To not dying in Care of Magical Creatures yesterday!"

A short, curvy woman of about 70 years stops at the end of their table. "We all good here? Anything else I can get you?"

"To Madam Rosmerta!" Smalls shouts without answering the question. 

David makes eye contact with her through the chaos. "I think we're good for now, thank you."

Bless Madam Rosmerta, Jack thinks. Year after year, she's put up with all their antics, and still runs The Leaky Caldron with a smile on her face.

"But in all seriousness," Darcy says, waving a hand to make himself heard despite the noise, "I'd like to make a toast to Katherine, who will be moving from our school newspaper to the Daily Prophet itself."

"And to Jack and Race!" Katherine adds. "For their newly announced independence." She sips her drink knowingly. 

"Agh!" Crutchie yells and bangs his head on the table (Bill scrambles to stop a drink from spilling over). "All my kids are leaving me!"

Finch, suddenly inspired by Crutchie's words, wraps his arms around his waist and nuzzles his face into Crutchie’s shoulder. Jack doubts he'll be leaving that spot anytime soon.

"Um, if anyone is a parent here, it's Davey," Jack says. "I'm pretty sure we'd all be dead if it weren't for him."

Race snorts. "Maybe you guys would be. I'm actually capable of making good choices, thank you very much."

Spot shoots him a look. "Dave had to put out a fire on your head last year."

"Details," Race responds, swatting his hand.

"I stand corrected," Jack says sarcastically.

"You'll have to go visit him, Dave," Katherine says, gesturing towards Racetrack. "Keep him in line. And, you know, alive."

"Will do," David laughs, "But it'll be harder to get to Santa Fe, even with Apparition."

Something heavy sinks and settles in the pit of Jack's stomach.

"So, the next Quidditch Game," he says quickly. "Gryffindor against Slytherin. You'll be there?"

His friends rush to confirm that, yes, of course they'll be there.

"You know, even though I'll be playing against you, I wish you the best," Albert says, encouraging him. "We're just gonna win is all."

 

“Yeah, right,” Jack says as he playfully hits Albert’s arm. 

“It’ll be a close game,” says David, ever the voice of reason.

“And you’ll do great no matter what,” Albert concludes. “I can tell you love it.”

"When I'm a 7th year, I wanna be Quidditch captain, just like you, Jack!" says Romeo. 

"I'm sure you will be," Jack says, his heart glowing.

+

For a moment, Jack can't determine if it's the rush of the wind in his ears or the roar of the crowd. He brings his broom stick to a sharp halt and there, to his left, is his seeker, holding the snitch high above her head. 

"Gryffindor wins, 315-120! Special congratulations to 7th year Jack Kelly on his first win as captain," Race announces fondly over the speaker. "Sorry, Albert."

Jack makes a sharp dive down to the ground, and is practically attacked with hugs before he can even dismount his broom. His friends, it seems, have all rushed the field to celebrate Gryffindor's victory, no matter what House they're in. Even Albert hovers nearby on his broomstick, beaming towards the pile now forming around Jack.

"Don't forget about the afterparty!" Elmer says from somewhere underneath Jack's left armpit. "Gryffindor's hosting."

If one thing could be said for Hogwarts students, it was that they knew how to throw a party. If Quidditch games were wild, the afterparties were off the charts. All houses were always invited, leading to a strange combination of not only each House's virtues, but their vices as well. Jack, going against the norm, has had nothing to do with the planning of this particular party, and can only pray that Spot and Race haven't set up anything too illegal.

When he finally makes it to his commonroom, Jack plops down in one of the armchairs and waits for the people to start rolling in. Spot sets up the music and the food, Race, he's told, is running late with the drinks, and his peers bring the noise level. A few of his friends join him in the chairs, but some bustle around the room, talking and laughing, and he even sees Henry and Albert shimmying in the corner.

Race finally shows up, waddling through the room with several cases of what Jack assumes is Firewhiskey in his arms and other assorted alcohol floating behind him. He whoops as he passes Specs, who has pinned Romeo to the wall and is kissing him like there's no tomorrow, and then settles down where Jack is, slapping a few of the drinks onto the table. Jack eagerly gulps one down, and he tries to cover the burn in his throat with more of the drink. If he's lucky, it'll help take the edge off his sore muscles as well.

"So, how's feel to be the big winner, Cowboy?" Race asks, sipping his own drink.

"Pretty damn good, if I say so myself." Jack tosses his empty bottle to the side and reaches for a new one.

"What are you gonna do in Santa Fe, Jack?" Crutchie wonders. "Do they have Quidditch there?"

"Of course they do," Jack lies. Truthfully, he hadn't even considered it. "They got everything in Santa Fe. Everyone's your family. You don't have to worry about anything." He chugs his drink again.

Okay, so maybe Santa Fe didn't have Quidditch, but maybe it did, there'd be no way to know until he went there and found out for himself. He's pretty sure it does, anyways. There's bound to be at least a few wizards there, if not a whole wizarding community. And if not, he'll just hide his magic from the local muggles and stay in the house. He'd be fine. 

Jack downs another bottle.

“Jesus, Kelly, had enough there?” Race teases.

Jack looks him right in the eye, says “No,” and opens another. Elmer finds this immensely funny and giggles uncontrollably. David, on the other hand, makes a small sound of disapprovement, but does nothing to stop him, for which Jack was grateful. He hadn’t drank like this in a long while.

They’re still sitting like that and enjoying the scene late in the evening when Racetrack suddenly perks up and surveys the room. "Spot loves this song," he explains. "I gotta find him." He hops out of his seat and disappears into a group of dancing Slytherins.

"They're so funny," Elmer says, his words slightly slurred. "Spot picked the music."

Jack hums in agreement, but instead of turning to look at Elmer, he stares at his hand in front of him, trying to get his eyes to focus on it.

"I'll tell you what's funny," Crutchie begins, "is how much Les wanted to come. I tried to explain to him that this," he gestured at all the alcohol around them, "was not his kind of party. David, why'd you even tell him about it at all?"

Davey shrugged lazily. "My father taught me not to lie."

Dave's father. _Dave's father._ Because of course David would believe in a motto like "No Lying" because he had a father who looked out for him and made sure he wasn't getting into trouble or making rash decisions. Jack's fingers clench. Something stirs deep in his stomach and he wonders for a moment if it's the firewhiskey coming back to punish him. 

"Look at those two," Jack says, quickly pointing out Race, who has found Spot and has lured him into dancing with their hands intertwined. It's mostly just Race pushing their arms back and forth and more than once, he begins to lose his balance and Spot has to pull him back into place. But he's got a big, dopey grin on his face the whole time, and even Spot breaks every now and then to reveal a small smile before quickly hiding it again. "They're ridiculous." 

"No, look at _those_ two," Crutchie counters, pointing out Romeo and Specs, still kissing, still deaf to the world. "It's been, like, hours. How are they still going at it?"

Elmer snorts. "Being drunk probably helps."

"What?" Jack suddenly feels like someone has slammed a hammer on top of his head. "Romeo isn't drinking."

But, upon closer examination, Jack can see that while one hand is wrapped around Specs' neck, the other dangles loosely and holds a near empty bottle.

“Jesus Christ.” Before it even registers what he's doing, Jack bursts out of his seat and runs to where Romeo and Specs stand.

"Jack-" someone, probably Crutchie, calls out after him, but he ignores it. 

He rips the bottle from Romeo's hand and sends it towards the ground with a _clank!_ A few nearby dancers stop to watch the sound of the noise.

"What the hell are you doin'?" Romeo challenges.

Jack grips him by the shoulders. "You're screwing this up, kid.”

Somewhere, far, far away, Racetrack says, “Jack, no,” but he ignores it.

“I know you don’t understand anything yet, but you're too young! You're too young to be throwing your life away like this.”

Startled, Romeo scrunches up his face and pulls his head as far back from Jack as he can get it. "Stop it," he manages to say, softly. 

 

Romeo has given up his facade and is close to tears. Jack almost loses his balance and stumbles slightly. Damn it, this is the opposite of what Jack wanted, he was trying to protect Romeo, if they would just listen to him-

Specs puts a hand on Jack's shoulder. "Leave him alone."

"Just listen to me-"

“Christ, Kelly, leave the damn kid alone.” That was Race, trying to step in and making this way more complicated than Jack intended. He swings around to face him-

"That's _enough_." David's voice is ice cold. "Jack, I think you'd better leave now."

"Fine." He wraps an arm around David, who silently leads him out of the Gryffindor commonroom. The walk to Ravenclaw tower is a blur, but Jack vaguely recognizes being lead to a bed, having a blanket thrown over him, and slowly drifting off into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The first thing he notices when he wakes up is the pounding in his head and the bad taste in the back of his throat. The events of the night before all come back with a rush. Jack groans into his pillow. What an idiot he was. 

David, the only other person in the room, searches the dorm for a pair of socks (or so Jack assumes, as he's fully dressed save for his bare feet).

"Where's everyone else?" Jack asks, his voice hoarse.

"Breakfast. Or still in Gryffindor tower." Dave finally slips on a pair of socks and shoes and makes his way toward the exit. "It's about 7:30. There's someone here I think you should talk to."

He’s almost out the door when he turn to Jack and says, “Apologize, okay?”

And with that, David leaves, and Romeo walks in and takes a seat on the bed next to him. 

Jack notes the dark bags under Romeo’s puffy eyes. 

He waits for a moment to see if Jack will say something first, and launches into his prepared speech when he doesn't.

"Listen, Jack, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been-"

"You aren't throwing your life away.”

Romeo just looks at him.

“I mean, for God’s sake, Romeo, you've got way better grades than I did 5th year, you've got a plan for your life, and you're a good kid."

Romeo tugs at the ends of his robes. They’re fraying, Jack notices, from being pulled at so often.

"I'm sorry if I scared you." Jack scratches the back of his head. "Truth be told, I'm not a big fan of people grabbin' me and shouting in my face either."

"It's fine," Romeo says. "You were right, I shouldn't've been drinking. That's not...that's not what I want to be doing, with...you know, with everything that’s happened-"

Jack realizes that Romeo is beginning to lose his composure. 

“C’mere.” Jack stood and extended his arms, and Romeo crashed into them.

“I just can’t have people yellin’ at me like that, Jack, okay? It’s-”

"You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to." Jack meets his eye and holds it. "But you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and you’ve got great things ahead of you."

Romeo cracked a grin and rested his head on Jack’s chest. "Don't get all sappy on me, now."

" _Me_ get sappy? That's your thing, Lover Boy," Jack teases lightly. "Let's go eat."

His robes are sitting on a nearby dresser, and when he gets out of bed to go get them, he finds himself standing on a blanket and pillow. With a pang, he realizes that David had brought him all the way here, gone back for his robes, and then slept on the floor so Jack could get a better night's sleep. Dave was too good for him. 

When they do make it down to breakfast, Jack slides into his spot next to David and briefly makes eye contact with Specs, who softly smiles and nods in understanding.

It really is sweet, Jack thinks, how they look out for one another. Specs cared enough to double check that everything had gone okay but still let Romeo deal with the issue himself. Even now, they're sitting next to each other, enjoying breakfast _together_ , despite sitting at a table full of other people. At one point, Romeo rests his head on Specs' shoulder, and Specs', in turn, cradles his head in his hand and begins to play with his hair. Jack tears his gaze away and redirects it back to his breakfast. 

"So, everything's alright?" Davey asks, cutting up his food.

"Yes, everything's fine," Jack says, and passes his bacon towards David. "And this is for you."

"Hm," David hums, "that's good to hear." He rests his hand on Jack's forearm and rubs his thumb in a small circle. "And thank you."

David's hand stays there for a few odd moments before he seems to realize what's doing and abruptly pulls it away. Jack pretends not to notice.

David was subtle like that, with small displays of affection and gratitude, and Jack can appreciate some aspects of that. Personally, it wasn't his own style (Crutchie once called him an attention-seeking koala) but he understood why David would opt for giving praise by, say, rubbing circles on someone's arm. Which is why it was perfectly normal and fine for David to do that to him right now.

"Can you guys please stop talking?" Sniper pleads. She massages the sides of her head. "Or just, keep the volume level way down?"

"Yes, please," Racetrack chimes in, head buried in his hands. 

"All in favor of a silent breakfast say aye," Katherine proposes. The majority of the table meekly murmurs "aye" back at her. 

They make it about 5 minutes before Elmer drops his bowl with a loud crash, and Katherine declares a restart, that time in which they make it only 2 minutes before Mush sneezes and Bill blesses him out of habit. The silent breakfast is considered officially over.

"Can someone please get me out of Defense Against the Dark Arts from now on?" Henry says. "Snyder is an idiot, it's torture." 

"Snyder the Spider," Tommy Boy snickers.

"He's not an idiot," David says. "He's smart and all, he’s just an asshole."

"Whether or not he's an idiot is debatable-" Darcy begins.

Spot cuts him off, shushing the group and groaning as he pushes his forehead into the table.

"But the fact remains that he lives to torment children," Jack adds in a hushed voice. "No one who willingly does that can be considered smart."

"Regardless of what he knows about Dark Magic," Crutchie agrees.

"So, idiot then?"

Race cuts them off by making a show of ramming his head into the table and groaning. 

"That's it," Spot says, suddenly rising from the table. "I've got to go wake up Albert anyways. Later."

Race rolled his eyes, and Jack pretended not to notice. 

“What crawled up his ass and died?” JoJo asks.

“He’s just being a fucking hypocrite,” Race grumbles. The others at the table exchange a glance.

“Okay…” says JoJo, not wanting to push it any further. 

Katherine stands. “I should probably go after him anyways. He's just going to end up going back to bed," she explains. "Also, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know the new password."

And that, Jack thinks, as much as he wants to believe in a hungover Spot, is probably true.

Later that same day, it seems that Spot is still in a funk, even in Charms, his favorite class. Katherine asks him politely to scoot over and he nearly bites her head off.

“Dude,” Jack says, “Chill. She just needs room to sit.”

Spot sighs, defeated. “Sorry, Kath. I guess I’m just not really feeling it this morning.”

“We noticed.” Katherine seems to realize how harsh her words sound, and adds, “I just mean that you seemed a little off. Is everything…?”

“It’s whatever. Race is just acting like a dick.”

“But I saw you guys last night,” says Jack, confused. “I mean, you guys were dancing. And having fun, I mean.”

Jack wasn’t stupid, no matter what anyone said about him. He was just as observant as the next guy, if not more so, so he knew why Spot was suddenly so moody whenever Race was dating someone, or why Race was always finding excuses to be near Spot and passing it off and friendship. But he also knew that Spot and Race were two of his most stubborn friends (and that was saying something) and that them finally getting together would be a process. He only hoped that one of them hadn't done something to ruin it last night. 

“Shut up,” Spot says, and if Jack didn't know better, he would say he was almost blushing. “And it was after that. After everything with you and Romeo, I said that maybe he should stop partying and drinking so much and he got really pissed.”

Jack felt another pang of guilt. Here was yet another situation his lack of self-control had caused.

“Spot, he probably thought you were trying to get rid of him,” Katherine says, shining some light on the situation. 

Spot’s mouth hangs open, about to argue, but he never says anything, instead flicking his wand and setting the pillow they were supposed to be levitating on fire and slamming his head on the desk. Jack puts out the flame before the teacher could notice and pats Spot’s back.

“I’m an ass, aren’t I?”

“Of course not,” Katherine says, shrugging at Jack where Spot couldn’t see. “Though you should probably go talk to him about it.”

Without lifting his head, Spot weakly waves his wand and sent the scorched pillow into the air. “I hate that you’re always right.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter! so far this is all stuff i’ve already had written and stored away, i never thought it would see the light of day. should i go back and finish it so the story doesn’t end on a cliff hanger?? bc i’ve only got a few more chapters until i’m caught up, please let me know!

In the weeks leading up to winter break, the schoolwork begins to pile up in the worst kind of way. Jack has homework assignments on top of freezing cold Quidditch on top of essays and quizzes and tests, and with the weather getting colder, sitting in front of the fire and relaxing always seems like the better option. When it begins snowing for the first time, he sketches a winter scene with his friends all throwing snowballs where his Potions essay should be.

He ends up examining the drawing; a scene that probably wouldn't be happening this year. Dave always went home for Hanukkah, and Katherine's muggle family expected her as well. Specs' grandmother hosted a family reunion, Darcy usually went skiing, and Sniper, Finch, and Elmer all had their families to attend to. Sure, they'd all be back for New Year's, but then it'd be right back to class, the same boring schedule sucking the life out of them.

"That's really good," Dave says, leaning over and pointing at Jack's paper.

"Ah, it's nothin'," Jack says, but he accepts the praise anyways.

Jack stares at cartoon David winding up to throw his snowball and resolves that by their New Year's Eve party, he will have gotten a present for each of his friends. Too many times he's had to skip out on gift-giving due to money, but he does have a small amount of cash saved up, and why not? It was his last year, and they deserved it. 

He catches Romeo in the hall after class and says "Hey, so I was thinkin' at some point during break we could-"

"Oh!" Romeo exclaims. "I forgot to mention, I'm, uh, actually going home over break."

"Really?" Jack says, shocked. "That's different."

"Yeah. I just, I don't know, I just felt like I should go home. You know, for Christmas."

Jack had always thought there was something, or someone, preventing Romeo from wanting to be home, and nobody understood that better than Jack. But if Romeo was now willingly choosing to spend his time at home, maybe all those Hogwarts Christmases and throwaway comments had just been regular teenage angst. Or something had changed at home. Jack didn't want to pry, but had he really been that bad at picking up signals?

"That's great," Jack says, tousling his hair. "Hope it goes well."

+

From the moment Jack awakes on the first day of winter break, he feels an emptiness that could only be caused by the absence of his friends. Maybe he's just imagining it, but the winter air seems even colder as he walks through Hogsmeade. 

It takes him only 20 minutes to get just 3 of the gifts and spend all of the money he has saved up. So that poses a bit of a problem. It's not Jack's fault that all of the perfect presents were more expensive. 

He grudgingly walks out of the store and trudges down the street towards the town's theater, walking in the back door when he arrives. He's barely finished stomping the snow off his shoes when a woman in an extravagant pink dress comes flying down the stairs.

"Out, out, out!" she says, waving her hands in the air. "That isn't an entrance!" 

She stops suddenly, finally taking a moment to examine just who had walked through her door. She begins to smile. 

"Jack Kelly." She rushes down the rest of the stairs and embraces him the best she can without squashing her dress. "How've you been, baby?"

"Just fine, Miss Medda." His cheek is pressed tightly to hers and he has the vague thought that it'll probably be covered in glitter now. 

"Come on in." She leads him through her theater, and Jack can't help but feel overwhelming pride. The theater was _her's,_ and she had transformed the building wonderfully. It only seemed to get more grand with each passing year. "It's been so long since I've seen you, Jacky, I was thinking I would have to march down to the school and see you myself." 

"The great Medda Larkin wants somethin' to do with little old me?" Jack teases. "C'mon, you know me. I've got Quidditch, and...homework."

"Oh sure. Homework. I know how it is."

 

She gave him a look to let him know that she could see straight through his bullshit. He coughs nervously under her gaze.

"Listen, I've been meaning to ask, are you still looking for someone to paint your backdrops?"

"As it so happens, I am. I pay 5 galleons a backdrop. When can you start?"

Jack stops in his tracks. "Medda, I can't take that kind of money."

"Sure you can!"

"No, really, I couldn't."

Medda's voice drops to a low murmur and loses its flamboyance. "Listen, after everything you've done for me, it would be the least I can do. And I've seen you paint. The work you'd be doing is worth the price." The energy returns to her voice. "And I can afford it, honey. You're not going to bankrupt me that easily."

"So your show's selling well, then?" 

"Like you wouldn't believe." She turns and blocks him from walking, placing her hands firmly on her hips. "But that doesn't answer my question. When can you start?" 

Jack grins. "Right now." He throws his hands up, defeated. 

"Good." She pulls Jack onto a floating platform, which immediately whisks them off to the upper level of the theater. 

And so begins his winter routine: painting in the theatre, walking through the Hogsmeade shops, and making it back just in time for dinner. It's kind of nice, as Medda doesn't have a lot of rules for what her backdrop should look like. He gets to create sceneries that are all his own, wide, open deserts with golden sunsets. Soon enough, that'll all be his.

Medda lets him keep the materials, too, and it makes a difference like night and day. All the expensive paints and brushes he never would have even seen otherwise are used daily not only on the backdrops, but in his own dorm.

 

Mostly, he is left alone to work. There’s almost always a rehearsal in session, so it isn’t quiet. Not with the faint piano trickling up to his station, or the occasional actor (or fairy) taking a wrong turn and walking in on him, but it’s somehow strangely peaceful. 

Occasionally, Race will come sit and watch him paint, but he never stays for too long, always claiming that he was going to meet Spot in the village. Jack guessed it was just that he couldn't stay still. His hands were always fidgeting with something. More than once, Jack found himself watching those hands, glad they were now reaching for playing cards instead of cigarettes.

What would Racetrack's life be like after graduation? Surely the hustle and bustle of Diagon Alley would be perfect for him, sweeping him right into that busy lifestyle he claims to dislike, but honestly, probably needs. Santa Fe would do that for Jack, giving him the space and lifestyle he needed to succeed. He was sure of it.

+

When Jack became conscious of his actions, he was curled in a ball on the floor beside his bed, screaming himself hoarse. Even as he became aware of this, it was difficult to stop. It was so much easier to let it all out than to try and fight it.

As he takes a moment to breathe, Bill appears before him. 

“Jack!” he says.

Jack pulls at his hair. It had been so long since this had happened this badly.

Race, the only other person in their dormitory, sits up in bed. “Wha’s goin’ on?” he manages sleepily. 

“You’re dreaming,” Bill says quickly. He wastes no time in casting a soundproof bubble around Race’s bed. Racetrack falls back onto the pillow with a snore.

Jack exhaled sharply. Now it was just him and Bill.

“What do you say we go for a walk?”

Jack nods. Bill, already one step ahead of him, reaches a hand out for Jack to grab onto. And he needs it, seeing as he’s shaking fiercely.

Bill does his best to lead Jack out of the common room, but Jack’s knees still wobble with every step and give out on him at the bottom of the stairs. He reaches out helplessly and clings to Bill.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs.

“You’re alright,” Bill says soothingly. “Do you want to sit?”

Jack nods wordlessly and collapses into the armchair and stares numbly into the fire. Bill slides into the seat next to him, maintaining the silence but filling the room with his comforting presence.

“I’m sorry,” Jack manages to say again.

“Jack.” Bill rests a hand on Jack’s forearm. “It’s okay. Really.”

Jack rubbed at his eyes. “I’m still sorry.”

“Do you have any idea what’s causing them again?”

Jack shook his head. “I thought I was over them.”

“It’s alright to not know,” Bill reassures him. He pauses. “You know Darcy used to get night terrors?”

“No, I didn’t,” says Jack.

“He doesn’t talk about it so much, but he did. And Darcy is more or less an extension of myself. I know they can be really rough.” He pauses again, trying to find his words. “You know I’m always here for you, Jack. If you ever need anything.” 

Jack leaned to rest his head on Bill’s shoulder. “You’re a good friend, Bill.”

“Well, I try,” jokes Bill, and Jack even cracks a smile. He was in Gryffindor tower, with his Bill, and everything would be fine. No one could get him here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks guys, lemme kno what u think !


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